Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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