In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
