I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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