last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
