Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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