it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
