He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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