I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
