Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
