Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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