He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
