hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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