i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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