this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
