I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you never un-have a 4some
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
