Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
