just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
