I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need water and some morals
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
