My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
