i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
