You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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