i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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