turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
