I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
