They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize