just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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