there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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