You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
