This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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