Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Welp...herpes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
