people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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