There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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