white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she smelled like a LAN party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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