hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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