HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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