sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
