They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
