She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
