I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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