I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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