I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
