Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize