dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
