somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
