It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
