if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
