Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everyone says I win the strip club
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
