i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
