I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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