you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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