I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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