Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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