EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
