Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
