IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
