its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize