im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
