batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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