I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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