I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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