Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
