You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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