I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
