I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
