I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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