i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
