Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
