Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
