Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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