guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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