what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
