Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
