yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
