i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
