well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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