It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize