What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
