you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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