i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize