Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
