she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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