Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
