I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
