Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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