I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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