Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
