At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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