She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
