is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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