the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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