honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
