vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
