My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
