i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
