Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
FUCK WHALES
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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