he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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