we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
